“LET ME tell you something about Christmas.” Deke leaned into the radio mic like he always did when he had something important to say to the WXMS Deke and Dudley Morning Show audience. “Christmas sucks!”
Dudley gasped. “Deke! How can you say that? Christmas is…. It’s… It’s… the most won—”
“Don’t say it,” Deke warned. “And definitely don’t sing it.”
Like Goofus and Gallant from Highlights Magazine, Elisabeth and Rosie from their days on The View, or more recently, Kanye and Taylor, the morning shock jock and his mellower partner agreed on virtually nothing. After the long Thanksgiving weekend, they’d gotten back into their groove right away.
The show had started off like normal. “Goooood morning. It’s the Deke and Dudley Show, the top of the a.m., the best of morning radio. I’m Deke McNierney. He’s Dudley Moss. It’s back to work Monday, November 28, 2016. What’s the weather doing out there, Mindy?”
Mindy was the third cog in The Deke and Dudley Morning Show machine—Mama Bear who sometimes had to keep her boys in line. “We’re starting Cyber Monday at a chilly forty-one degrees,” she reported. “With temperatures expected to top off not much higher, protect your holly berries.”
“Ooh. I loved her in Monster’s Ball,” Dudley said.
“Flurries off and on throughout the afternoon will continue this evening, but nothing major is expected. Should be perfect for a holiday display lighting shindig.”
“I’m having a block party,” Dudley said excitedly.
“Whoopee!” Deke twirled a sarcastic finger in the air.
“Four days after Black Friday, twenty-seven until the big guy in the red suit drops down your chimney. Are you feeling excited?” Mindy asked their listeners. “Call in and tell the guys what’s on your mind.”
It was then Deke shared what was on his.
“Christmas sucks.” He said it again, this time with an added reverb effect, as if shouting it from a canyon dug deep in a mountain range. “Every minute. The whole season from the moment Santa arrives in front of Macy’s until Ryan Seacrest’s ball drops.”