For years Beck Lund has taken care of his volatile boyfriend, Brady, always putting Brady’s needs above his own and walking on eggshells to keep the peace. After Brady overdoses on heroin, his death devastates Beck. Thankfully Beck's best friend, Timothy Kallis, finds him the help he needs. Beck slowly starts to recover and moves in with Timothy to get back on his feet, but he's oblivious that Timothy is secretly nursing romantic affection for him.
Beck focuses on his own healing for the first time in his life. After months of challenging his codependent tendencies and learning how to stand up for himself, Beck finally starts to trust his gut and hopes to one day love again. Timothy is patient throughout, taking care of Beck in ways no one ever has. But if Beck can’t recognize Timothy’s affection for him, it might be too late for them to move beyond friendship.
BEFORE I had a chance to shut the front door, the sound of Brady choking on his own vomit pierced my eardrums. I was in our bedroom within seconds to witness him take what ended up being his last breath. Immediately I rolled him to his side to help him clear his airway. He flopped onto his back.
Abdominal thrusts. I slapped his face and shouted his name.
I followed the directions the dispatcher gave me on speakerphone, putting my effort into every motion as tears ran down my face.
“The paramedics are on their way. Do you hear the sirens yet?”
“Yes,” I said as I used my full weight to come down on Brady’s torso, trying to dislodge whatever particle had stopped all air from moving in and out of his lungs.
Nothing helped. He just stared up at me with glazed-over eyes and refused to breathe.
“Goddammit. Don’t you dare leave me like this!”
I blankly watched as the paramedics swarmed into the bedroom, shooing me away so they could assess Brady’s condition, and I saw the grim looks on their faces when they realized what had really happened. The frenzied activity ceased, and their demeanor changed the second they found the syringe, spoon, and lighter.
Heroin. Brady died because he was searching for a few moments of euphoria, and there was nothing I could do to stop him this time.
I hope he found it. I hope he found bliss before he died. He deserved some happiness, even if it had to be found in a syringe and was oh so fleeting.
NEARLY ALL his life, Brady had suffered from depression. Most of the time it was low-grade, chronic depression that hung around him like a strangulating ghost. Dysthymia, his doctors called it. When we first met at the tender age of twenty, it had made him seem mysterious and interesting to me. I saw him as deep. Compared to the superficial assholes I’d been with up until that point, deep was a wonderful change, and I easily fell in love.
But it didn’t stay wonderful, nor did the depression stay low-grade, I discovered after living with him. Brady started off as an interesting enigma, but then there were times when his depression transformed him into something else entirely. He’d get so low those ads on television listing symptoms of depression seemed like traipsing through a Technicolor daisy field compared to what he went through. Hopelessness didn’t begin to cover it. The formerly even-keeled man who never cried would sob or lash out at me in anger for no reason I could comprehend. Unpredictable was an understatement.
He became a stranger during those moments, so I made it my mission to help him find his way back to a level playing field. I took care of him when he couldn’t care for himself, and I worked hard to make life run more smoothly, to make our house a haven, a safe place where he could decompress. Despite his moods and my sense that I walked on eggshells at times, he was my partner and lover for ten years, and I loved him.
The characters were well built and fit with each other; they had a relationship that I could only see good things happening to.
Read the full review at
Review by Shereadsalot
"Tangled Mind" starts with the harsh reality of heroin overdose. It makes a statement. This is more of a quiet read. I was nervous this would make me cry or twist my heart, but I was rock steady. :)
The words, though. This is my first Posy Roberts, won't be my last. I enjoyed her technique a lot. It reminded me of some my favorite quieter impact romance writers. Nothing too dramatic to try and make a story but the author uses real life situations and reactions to get the story done...you know those types. :)
Tangled Mind starts with a death and it ends on a quiet high note of sweet romance.
Beck has been a caretaker most of his adult life to an addict, dysthymic boyfriend. After his boyfriend dies, he doesn't know how to cope not being in a relationship. A grieving codependent, the artist/high school art teacher rediscovers himself through counseling and support groups. And with the help of friends, especially his long time friend &furniture maker Timothy. But Timothy has been harboring a long time love for his friend. When the two move in together, they become closer. Beck sees he had something special right under his nose the entire time once he heals.
I enjoyed the pacing. I actually liked the length of the story. I don't think much more could've have been added to make much of a difference to the HEA. Maybe if the reader got to see some of Brady (dead boyfriend) and Beck together, it might've made the story edgier? Give a different angle? The story is told strictly from Beck's POV in first person POV (a favorite POV of mine) Yet somehow it left me medium-well rather than well done.
I can't pinpoint what exactly didn't make a stronger impact to me. The subjects of drug use and its victims (users and their loved ones)/ mental health/ grief are serious. I love books that showcase them and show main characters who aren't your regular cookie cutter types. It might just be a me thing (I don't think so but I'll give an out) but I couldn't connect to present day Beck. When he grieved, I fully understood him. Hell, I've had days like that, trying to reconnect to real life after a death.
Something about him was off. He said the right things. He didn't jump into the sack with the first willing body. He didn't cause drama. He was closer to sainthood than I'd like but I'll ignore it. He sought counseling which I support and started his relationship in a healthy manner.
But...Beck, sometimes I felt like I barely knew him.
I don't know how I ended up loving Timothy more than Beck, but I did. He's such a strong yet quiet presence. He was in the background when they were friends but I recognized him. I understood him. That silly hissy fit he had around 80%? I get where he was coming from but for a guy who argued about the mixer, wouldn't stand up or communicate with his friend after such an important event? It was to move the story along, I get it, but eh...it wasn't necessary.
The characters weren't one-dimensional in the least. The sex scenes were great. I like accurate portrayals of characters with a big D. Not everyone can take it like a porn star first time around, thank you. Loved main characters' friendship. It was rock solid.
As is the story. If you're in the mood for friends-to-lovers/ finding love after a partner's death, this is a story to check out.
Chevalier by Mary Calmes eBook
Beauty, Inc. by Tara Lain eBook
Loaded for Bear by Cheyenne Meadows eBook
Love in Retrograde by Charlie Cochet eBook
There You Are by CJane Elliott eBook
Bad Dogs and Drag Queens by Julie Lynn Hayes eBook
Jewel Cave by Elizabeth Noble eBook
Not Just Passing Through by Jamie Dean eBook
Stained by Chris T. Kat eBook
Sand-Man's Family by CJane Elliott eBook
Requires site membership
Bender by Gene Gant eBook