Where there’s smoke, there’s fire...
Since 9/11, Brooklyn firefighter Griff Muir has wrestled with impossible feelings for his best friend and partner at Ladder 181, Dante Anastagio. Unfortunately, Dante is strictly a ladies’ man, and the FDNY isn’t exactly gay-friendly. For ten years, Griff has hidden his heart in a half-life of public heroics and private anguish.
Griff’s caution and Dante’s cockiness make them an unbeatable team. To protect his buddy, there’s nothing Griff wouldn’t do… until a nearly bankrupt Dante proposes the worst possible solution: HotHead.com, a gay porn website where uniformed hunks get down and dirty. And Dante wants them to appear there—together. Griff may have to guard his heart and live out his darkest fantasies on camera. Can he rescue the man he loves without wrecking their careers, their families, or their friendship?
GRIFF saw the whole fight before the first punch landed.
“Faggot!” A shout from across the party.
He hated that fucking word.
In here? Not likely.
Griff reached for his Guinness and stepped closer to his crew. He was standing in the Stone Bone wearing his kilt because Dante and the other guys from the firehouse had dragged him along. He hadn’t wanted to come out.
Normally he bounced the Bone’s front door on Sundays, but tonight was September 11th, so he wasn’t working. Big night for a lot of bars in Brooklyn. Every year since the Twin Towers fell, neighborhood places let firefighters drink free on this night. So the whole gang had come from Engine 333/Ladder 181 to check out the female talent.
Griff’s best friend was sitting on the bar singing along with the jukebox, using his pint as a microphone; his crooked smile gleamed white in the neon from the liquor shelves. Dante had the kind of chiseled jaw and smooth baritone that ladies loved. At the moment, he was crooning a duet with Dean Martin:
“‘The world… still is the same… you’ll never change it…’”
This was Dante’s way of making sure none of his friends got lonely tonight—playing the dreamboat Italian card like it was Ladies’ Night. It kinda was.
“‘As sure… as the stars… shine abooove;’”
Raised on the Rat Pack by his pop, Dante was dragging a hook and lure through the party’s water for his pals—the ultimate chick-bait wingman.
“‘You’re no-body till some-body looooves…’”
Griff snuck a glance, and sure enough, a clump of frisky bedbunnies was drifting toward his best friend—hippety-hoppity, pussy on its way.
“‘You’re nooo-body till some-body cares….’”
A scuffle and another angry shout from the back near the bathrooms. “Fucking faggot!”
Not a joke. This time Griff turned to look over the heads.
A couple other guys from the firehouse were singing along with Dante. They hadn’t heard the trouble brewing, but if things got fugly, the bar would lose money. Griff didn’t want trouble. He only bounced on the side when he was off duty, for cash, but the Bone was a great little dive—old-school Brooklyn in a neighborhood that was getting Starbucked to hell.
At six foot five, Griff had a head and a half on, well, pretty much everybody. Big as he was, he had been wary his whole life: cat on a rope. It was a handy knack for a fireman saving lives and a bouncer saving his boss a fortune in repairs and fines.
He lowered his beer. Those shouted “faggots” had come from back near the pinball machines, and it took Griff all of ten seconds scanning the sweaty, yammering mob to spot the source.
A ripped Puerto Rican with a faux-hawk had yanked his girl behind him and was glaring at an older dude with a shaved head. Griff squinted, trying to read the scene over the Sunday night crowd. The girl was beautiful and biracial and looked proud of her angry date.
C’mon, dipstick. Not tonight.
Griff put his pint on the bar and snuck a glance at the door. The security up front was stuck carding drunk teenagers. No way could they make it all the way back to throw a blanket over anything that broke out. The bartender was pulling beers on the wrong end of the counter, and the boozy crowd around the conflict had other fish to finger on September 11th.
The Stone Bone was packed with city workers celebrating: EMTs and cops and firemen. The anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks always brought the FDNY and their fans out in mobs, for better or worse. But tonight was ten years since the Towers had fallen—people weren’t as somber as they had been when the wounds were fresh.
Griff watched the two mismatched men more closely. Drug dealer? Loan shark? The bald guy wore a suit, not cheap, and he felt like Manhattan—older, taller, but outclassed in any fight that the little hombre was bringing. Shit.
Baldy was smiling while he talked calmly to the younger guy. The Latino gripped his beer too tight, ready to butt heads, eyes threatening anyone nearby. He wanted to go to jail for a drunk and disorderly.
Griff pushed away from the bar, squaring his brawny shoulders so he could plow through the crowd. A frizzy blonde hmmphed at him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dante’s dark head turning as he broke off singing with the others.
“Hey, G! Where’s the fire?” Dante laughed.
But Griff shook his head. He only had a couple seconds to cross the room. A couple folks said his name or thumped his cannonball shoulders as he passed, and he nodded hello without taking his eyes off the brawl about to erupt. He could hear them now, the bald guy’s smooth accent as he tried to pacify the kid…. Polish? No, Russian.
Maybe Mr. Clean was the lady’s ex or something? A player trying to make her? A pimp? But why call him a “faggot” anyways? Maybe he’d groped the boyfriend accidentally-on-purpose? The body language wasn’t right, but you never knew with Russians.
Finally the little Puerto Rican snapped. Shaved-Headovitch realized what was coming but had no exit available; they were crowded on all sides. Griff moved faster, pushing patrons out of his way. The Latino raised the bottle in his hand, and Griff could see his whole night off turning to shit in two seconds, September 11th spent talking to cops until three in the morning.
But before that bottle even started to swing, Griff had the kid’s wrist in one beefy paw, twisting him to his knees on the concrete floor. His girl’s eyes were panicked under heavy makeup. The crowd around them pulled back, rubbernecking.
“Maricon!” His thin, tan arm twisted in Griff’s hard grip like a snake.
Griff squeezed hard. “Drop it.”
“It is fine. I am sorry.” The Russian shook his shaved head trying to let the guy off the hook, being polite. What had he done to this asshole?
“I said drop the bottle.”
Clink. Griff felt the suds spray on his ankle and twisted the little Rican’s arm up between his shoulderblades, forcing him to the concrete. “Enough.”
The wiry bastard squirmed on the floor under Griff’s kilted knee and grumbled something nasty in Spanish.
“Yeah, fuck you too.” Griff tried to signal the guys on the door or the bartender, but the crowd was too dense. Fall weekends were the worst with these drunks. And this night was insane.
The dark kid vibrated with rage beneath him. “You’re wearing a fucking skirt! Another faggot coming to his rescue.” He struggled, powerless on the floor and shamed in front of his lady. Love was the worst.
“It’s a kilt, dumbass.” Griff sighed and looked down at the pleats over his meaty thighs. He’d been ready to just break it up and leave these bozos alone. “It’s only a skirt if I wear underwear.”
“He meant nothing by it.” The older man tipped his shaved head to Griff and smiled his thanks, like Mr. Clean goes to Moscow. “A misunderstanding.”
“None of that shit. Not tonight. Yeah?” Griff pointed at the floor and at the embarrassed girlfriend. “Both of you can get right the hell outta this bar.”
Suddenly, the Latino exploded to his feet and shoved his girl toward the exit. She stumbled but was too mortified to stop. As her boyfriend stepped past them, he clipped the Russian’s shoulder hard, hooked his ankle, and slammed his suit’n’tie ass on the floor. Barely pausing, the kid plowed through the crowd after his girlfriend, jostling people and spilling drinks, leaving a wake of curses and scowls behind him.
Griff didn’t even bother following. He hauled the bald dude to his feet and held onto the hand, shaking it. “Griffin Muir.”
“Alek. She did not know me. It was not entirely his fault.” He looked almost apologetic, his blue eyes wide and watery.
“Never is. Ten years ago, I used to fight in bars.”
“Thank you, then. Yes? He did some work for me and tried to hide it from her. She—”
“Wanted to watch a fight. Yeah. I used to be married to a girl like that. He’s got lousy taste in women. Eventually you lose the taste.”
DEAN MARTIN was done and the firefighter chorus had netted a boatload of groupies.
By the time Griff made it back to his drink, Dante had swiped it, greeting him with fake applause. Black hair, black eyes, pirate smile.
“My fuckin’ hero.” Dante grinned at him, draining the glass.
“My fuckin’ backwash. Taste good?” Griff smacked his head affectionately and claimed a stool.
“Tastes like steak.” Dante licked his lips. Licked them again. Belched like an eight-year-old.
“Gross! Eww.” Apparently the knot of hotties nearby had set their sights on Dante’s tight buns and wavy black mane. What was new? This batch was a little dressier than the locals. Like college girls slumming. Manhattan maybe.
For some reason, Dante was ignoring his admirers. He pushed the glossy tangle out of his face. “I’m hungry, G. You wanna get a slice? I need to talk to you about something.”
“Yeah. No. Not a big deal. I kinda need to ask you something.”
“Sure. I’ve had about all the fun I can….” Griff looked for the rest of the crew to say goodbye. He hadn’t wanted to come out tonight in the first place. Dinner with Dante sounded way better.
His best friend blinked and stopped talking as a slender hand came from behind and carded into Griff’s bright copper bedhead.
“Your hair that red all over?” A curvy Indian chick had slid over from Dante’s fan club to press against Griff’s hip and look at his legs. “Nice tartan.”
Wearing a kilt in Cobble Hill was always asking for it. Sometimes the “it” in question was a brawl and sometimes a blowjob. With other Scots, it guaranteed a couple rounds on somebody else who might be feeling patriotic. With Italians it meant someone was always accusing you of scoping their girl. Kids giggled and old ladies were always trying to sneak a peek under.
Dante’s mouth got tight as he waited for Griff to beg off.
What does he need to talk about?
For once, Griff wished he’d thrown on jeans instead. He tried to catch Dante’s eye and shake his head.
“That’s some junk in your trunk.” The Indian girl leaned in to squeeze his haunch. She filled every inch of her little dress. “So damn huge, huh? You full Scot?”
Griff blushed, feeling the pink heat wash over his cheeks and neck.
Her hand was still there. “Redheads have the roundest butts.”
Dante winked. “Can’t drive a spike with a tack hammer. Griff’s like 245 pounds, solid muscle.”
Griff’s dick shifted under the pleated wool while Dante discussed him like a prize bull. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was the Dust Bowl.
Griff was terrible at this part and not interested. He was tired and still keyed up from the almost-fight. For no good reason, he wanted to grab his buddy and ditch the crowd, but he knew that wasn’t friendly. He was supposed to want to stay. He was supposed to get trashed and bag some babe. Women were on the town looking for FDNY tonight. Ugh. September 11th was the worst.
Pick a fireman, any fireman.
Griff smiled apologetically. “Sorry. We were just heading out for pizza.”
“Nah. Forget it, G.” Dante looked guarded; he shook his head and his life-of-every-party grin appeared a little too fast to be real. “Nah—nah. Let’s stay. We’ll stay. I’m good.”
“C’mon man. I’m wiped.” Griff looked at his best friend, who just shook his head, insisting. For a crazy second he wanted to smile thanks-no-thanks at his curvy admirer and just hook an arm around Dante’s neck so they could go get a slice. But by now, her friends had crowded around Dante, jostling each other.
Ten seconds more and we could’ve split.
The Indian girl looked between them, still patting Griff’s round butt. Pat pat. Like he was a Saint Bernard on two legs.
“Your ass is so… mmngh-manly!” She grabbed a handful of Griff’s haunch through the kilt, pushing the pleats into his sweaty crack. She licked her lower lip. Her eyebrows rose. “Ohmygod, you’re totally commando under there!”
A few yards away, Dante snorted beer out of his nose. The other girls yelped and groaned and wiped themselves with napkins.
Griff scowled into Dante’s handsome face. He tipped his head again toward the door, making a silent suggestion: Let’s go.
In the middle of the girls, Dante’s smiling eyes were dark-dark-dark as he shook his head and winked. “Nah. I’m good.” He turned to whisper something to a slender brunette that made her laugh and blush.
Griff turned back and tried to hear what the Indian chick was saying. Something about a concert they’d seen at BAM. He nodded like he was listening. Over her shoulder he watched Dante spread his arms on the bar behind two of her uptown friends, being charming. His left hand had a bad cut across all four knuckles.
That needs a bandage.
Griff got plenty, even though he wasn’t usually looking. He’d always been broad across the shoulders and chest. Massive arms, legs like trees. His wide, broken nose had been a blessing on his baby face. And for all Dante’s ribbing, Griff’s pale skin and cinnamon hair stood out in bars where most of the crowd was Italian and Latino. When your whole neighborhood had a year-round tan, peaches’n’cream was exotic. Ladies loved marking his fair skin, and his fat, rosy meat didn’t hurt his chances any. Moby Dick-tater, Dante called it.
This Indian chick was determined and pretty gorgeous, if only he’d been into the idea. “You wanna…?”
No, I don’t. But I should.
But Griff smiled mechanically at his curvy admirer. She smiled back. Her lips were stained a ripe brick red that should have seemed sexy. Her thick hair was almost the same glossy midnight as his best friend’s.
Dante was watching them again, biting his lip and nodding encouragement, eyes glittering black.
Griff’s cock gave a jerk, and he had to hold it against his thigh as she pulled him back to the bathrooms.
Remember: this is what you want.
If you were FDNY, September 11th was only good for a meaningless poke and a free pitcher. Rocks off. Friendly bar sex. Griff Muir didn’t have the heart to fight back.
THE employee bathroom was open and Griff had his key, but when the two of them had shut the door, the whole bar-sex plan went to hell.
She was climbing him like a jungle gym and her mouth felt nice on him, but his heart wasn’t in it. Her long hair was silky, but it felt fake on his skin. He was braced against the sink and kept thinking about Dante’s unreadable eyes.
What is he worried about?
Maybe if he could get this over in a couple minutes, they could still split and grab a slice. Griff put his face under the raven curtain of her hair and sucked on her smooth brown throat while she fumbled under his kilt for his package. Eventually he fell still.
She clocked his reluctance and stopped trying, kissed his neck with a mouth that smelled like menthols. Her enormous, exotic eyes lifted a question to his.
He grimaced and shook his head once. “Sorry. This is a hard day for me. You’re beautiful and all, but—”
“You’re FDNY.” A sweet smile on her brown face, she nodded in sympathy.
Griff nodded, feeling like a jerk.
“You were there when the Towers….”
He swallowed, looking at the floor.
“I get it. I got a soft spot for firemen. Like a kink.” She climbed off his lap.
“Sorry… I like your soft spot fine.” He wanted to be nice to her, but he also wanted to be gone. His voice echoed off the grubby tile and mildewed ceiling.
She squeezed him through the kilt. “You’re so hard. Are you sure you don’t want to try?”
Griff sat on the lid of the toilet, knotting his thick fingers together. “No. I should go home.”
“Maybe another night. You’re just so damn cute. That hair like hot coals.” She stroked the side of his head and frowned lightly. “I need to find my girlfriends.”
“Well… my friend might’ve hooked up with ’em. You need a ride?”
“Nah. I live in the Heights. I’m married.” She flipped open a compact and checked her face.
Griff was starting to miss the point of marriage. It made women into sacks and men into bullies. His mom’s passing had wrecked his dad. And Lord knew Griff had screwed up his own marriage.
He looked up at her in the dim bathroom. “How did you know I was a firefighter?”
She giggled. “I can spot you boys at fifty paces. With or without rubber pants. I won’t… say anything.” About dropping the ball, she meant. “Hell, I may lie to my friends and say we did it twice.”
“How was I?” He laughed and blushed till his ears were warm.
She licked her upper lip and flashed those big eyes. “Amazing!”
“Thanks.” Griff realized he’d become a story she’d tell: the ginger giant in a kilt from the 9/11 party. Fair enough—a naughty anecdote seemed like a fine thing to be.
Well, that was mostly true. He could almost picture her telling the story to her girlfriends over coffee and salads, bragging and exaggerating it a bit more each time till he was seven feet tall and sending her love letters. He wished he could actually be the stud she was going to build him into later, to make her bathroom no-starter seem sexier, cooler, riskier.
She smoothed lipstick on and ran a hand through her glossy hair. “Just doing my civic duty.” With a wink and a wiggle to get her skirt straight, she slipped out the door.
Griff stood and turned on the tap. He splashed his face and stared into his bleary gray eyes in the mirror.
Loser. Idiot. Creep.
The guys would be horrified if they’d watched him turn down such hot tail. They’d be even more horrified if they knew why. Under the kilt, he still had a thick erection pushing at the pleats, but it wasn’t for her. Big problem. If he went out there like this, everyone would see. He squeezed his bloated shaft through the wool and gasped.
He locked the door and dug under the pleats. He fumbled to get hold of his straining cannon, then wrapped a hand around himself.
Two minutes, tops.
Griff sat back down and closed his eyes and stopped fighting his real fantasy.
A FEW minutes later and Griff felt like he’d had breakfast and a shower. Well… maybe an Egg McMuffin and a squeeze of Purell. Axe waxed, nothing complicated.
By the time he emerged from the toilet, his balls had finally stopped hugging his groin and shifted downward. He’d wiped up with a paper towel, but he could feel a swipe of semen drying on his inner thighs.
The Stone Bone had filled up even more. Other firefighters had come in wearing firehouse T-shirts as chick bait, wives far, far away. As one, everyone at the bar raised their elbows and glasses as the little Cuban barback swiped a grayish towel over the pitted, carved surface: bigcock and Shasta loves Ronnie and a game of tic-tac-toe.
“343! 343!” At the back of the bar, a group of firemen from Brooklyn Ladders and Engines bellowed a toast, beers high. The civilians clapped and raised glasses around them. Back in 2001, 343 members of the FDNY had given their lives at Ground Zero, and New York was still grateful. That was good. That felt right, the city remembering ten years later, even after the Pit had been paved over and the Twin Towers were just another tacky statue for the tourists to take home to Pennsyltucky.
Griff maneuvered his massive frame to the bar. Head and shoulders above the crowd, he jerked his head at the busty bartender, shouting over The Doors. “You seen Anastagio?”
The bartender shrugged and bugged her eyes at the packed room. Griff chuckled and smiled his thanks. Where had Dante gone? Griff sighed, suddenly hungry for real. Dante’s pizza idea sounded even better now. His stomach growled in agreement.
Then as if the thought had summoned him, his best friend appeared—black hair sweaty and tangled against his neck, rough hand on Griff’s shoulder.
“There’s my man! Big G!” Dante stood crushed against the bar, popping gum with that pirate smile still smeared across his face.
“Hey, midget.” Griff wedged closer to him and breathed the sharp tang of Dante’s particular smell: sweet and leathery and musty like a clean locker room. Griff smiled; he’d know that scent anywhere.
“Hey! Five feet eleven is normal. You’re a mutant.” Dante was peeling the label off his fourth beer, the other three curled in front of him on the bar. He hadn’t shaved in a couple days, and the blue stubble on his chiseled Roman profile made him look like a thug in a cartoon. He took another deep swallow from the bottle, the muscles of his long throat working.
“Let’s get outta here, huh?” Griff jerked his head toward the door.
Dante sounded a little drunk. “You’re having a good time. And we all found company, looks like.” He scanned the party, where the rest of the guys were splashing in puddles of female fans.
“So let’s roll. I’m starving. And you wanted to talk….” Griff searched Dante’s eyes, trying to read the concern flickering there. He rarely asked anyone for anything.
Dante snapped his fingers as if he hadn’t been planning to ask already. “Pizza to go. Why don’t we go back to my house and you can crash?” He always invited and Griff always said no.
Griff shook his head in apology. “I gotta be up early. I should get home.”
“And my clocks don’t keep time?” Dante made his village idiot face, crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out sideways.
“I don’t fit in any of your beds. But pizza, yeah. We can talk on the way, if you’re ready….” Griff stood close to him like a bum huddling at a trashcan fire and tried to catch his charcoal eyes.
Dante glanced at him for a second, then searched the floor, down where Griff’s huge calves bunched above his socks and boots.
Griff flexed them involuntarily.
“Y’sure?” Dante rocked on his feet and squinted sideways at him.
“Yeah, D.” He was already turning toward the front. “What the hell do you need to talk about?”
“Okay. Okay.” Griff laughed. “I could really go for Lucali’s. If you don’t mind the line.”
“Uhh. I got zero cash.” Something dark moved in Dante’s eyes.
Griff didn’t hesitate to offer. “I’ll buy us a whole pie. C’mon.”
Is it money that’s got him so worried?
Dante shook his head and jerked it toward the door. He was practically vibrating. “Here’s the thing….”
Griff stepped back and poked him. “Anastagio, I can spot you. You need a loan till payday? I can cover whatever.”
He could swing it. Aside from bouncing in this dump, Griff also did framing for a local contractor who was always looking for capable hands. All the guys did work on the side. The FDNY was famous for paying shit wages to the loony bastards who ran into burning buildings while everyone else was running out.
Dante bumped shoulders and nudged Griff to the exit. The Stone Bone was so packed now that moving meant sliding past everyone’s bodies in full contact. Dante was practically pressed against his back, abs against Griff’s butt. Thank God he was a couple inches shorter so nothing, uh, lined up.
Someone touched his shoulder, and Griff turned.
“Mr. Muir.” Alek lifted his glass goodbye. Apparently, the slick Russian had made his way back to the mob of firefighters too, looking a little out of place in his suit, gesturing like a car salesman while he chatted with a couple of EMS workers from Queens.
Griff nodded but didn’t stop moving toward the front. He just wanted to get out of this crowd and the noise and find out what was wrong. Coming here tonight was a terrible idea. Hadn’t 343 firemen died? Why did people want to celebrate a tragedy?
They were almost at the door when Griff felt Dante stop moving behind him.
“Shit,” Dante muttered. Griff turned to look over the forest of chattering heads.
“Anastagio! Are you trying to run off?” A sassy brunette standing at the bar poked Dante in the chest, tonight’s Plan B probably: tight skirt, tits soft under her dress, big caboose, her mouth loose from kissing somebody—probably him.
Dante gave a short laugh and squeezed his eyes shut, like he was trying to remember her name. “Uh, no… this is my buddy, Griff.”
She didn’t even look over. “Dante, I been trying to get with you for like two years, and we were getting somewhere and now you’re gonna ditch?”
“No, baby.” Dante spoke softly and leaned forward.
Suddenly Griff didn’t feel so hot.
Dante stepped to the corner of the bar next to her, one hand up on the scarred wood. The murmured excuse poured out of him. “We gotta get up in the morning. And Griff hasn’t eaten today. I gotta feed him.”
Even in a crowded Brooklyn bar, you could see her Delilah eyes sliding between them, annoyed at the cockblock. She made a face. “You guys live together?”
“No.” Griff stepped closer to the bar himself, just to get out of the crush of people.
“Well, practically. He’s like my brother.” Dante pushed hair off his face. “And he’s gotta be up in a couple hours.” Dante stroked her leg just below her skirt. “We can pick this up later. C’mon. I need to take care of him.”
“What about me?” She knew this song and dance.
Griff noticed Alek’s shaved head cocked nearby, eavesdropping on Dante’s bullshit with a crooked smile. On the juke, The Rolling Stones were wailing about beasts and burdens while the crowd yowled along out of tune and 343 ghosts watched.
The girl squawked. From the look on her face and Dante’s position, Griff was pretty sure he had a couple fingers inside her right there.
Jesus. Dante was always talking chicks into doing crazy, semi-legal shit with him, preferably in public, preferably in front of Griff for the full blush-a-palooza. Griff would sweat and stammer and stare at the floor, and Dante would always take it one step too far. And the weird thing was, the women usually thanked Dante afterwards, stalked him and texted him for months.
Griff snorted and gave his best friend a look. Dante loved to embarrass him, lived to see him blush. Hell, Griffin could feel the blush spread over every square inch of his body under his friend’s cocky stare. His legs were probably blushing below the kilt. He almost glanced down to check but managed to keep his gaze on the cluttered bar.
Against its wet wood, that cut across Dante’s knuckles looked stretched and raw. It probably needed stitches, not tape.
“What’d you do to your hand, D?”
“That is none of your business.” Dante’s smile got wider, but his eyes seemed hollow, staring at Griff like he wanted to be anywhere else. The muscles in his brown forearm flexed under Griff’s eyes. The girl groaned at something Dante’s hidden hand was doing.
“No, I meant the…. Never mind.”
Griff rubbed his stubble, wishing the two of them were somewhere else, wanting a hot pepperoni slice, wanting anything but a crowded bar in Brooklyn ten years later. Suddenly, being a made-up X-rated anecdote for a married woman seemed more real than he felt. Like he was the 344th ghost. Something in his broad chest expanded, leaving him no room to breathe, crushing him from inside.
“Griffin?” Dante asked softly, as he stopped and stepped away from the brunette. His calloused hand on Griff’s beefy forearm snapped him back into the room.
Griff flinched and raised his gray gaze the entire one hundred miles it took for it to reach Dante’s, barely holding it together. “I gotta go.”
“We gotta go,” Dante spoke to the girl, cutting off her protest with a short kiss square on her mouth. “Unless you want to come with us, babe? Together, I mean. Griff’s a firefighter too….”
Music pounding and people jammed together and Griffin was standing there alone in a suffocating bubble of white noise, looking at the air, counting to zero. Why did he get like this? He grunted and looked everywhere but at his best friend’s handsome, worried face.
She looked at both men—the muscle, their mass—and did the math: a bed-full of two firefighters on September 11th.
Griff could see the gears turning as she bit her lip, squinting at the geometric possibilities.
She loved the idea.
He did not. “I don’t think so, Dante. I need to eat and get to bed.”
“That’s what I’m talking about, G. You and me ain’t partied together in a long time.”
Griff knew exactly what his best friend was suggesting; he just didn’t trust himself enough to say yes. He knew Dante wanted to help but shook his head. No.
Dante pulled Griff down, his lips almost brushing Griff’s ear, and whispered, “Gimme….”
Griff shivered and nodded yes even before his best friend spoke. He was sweating, and the spunk on his inner thigh was sticky again.
“Can you gimme a sec? I’ll meet you out front.” Apology thickened Dante’s words.
Griff kept nodding and picked his way to the door, sliding through the rowdy crowd.
When he got there, he opened it but didn’t step out into the cool air, stopping instead right on the threshold of where he didn’t want to be, the party boiling around him.
He did not watch Dante’s smooth olive-skinned hand brushing off tonight’s piece of ass so they could escape. He did not watch Dante’s strong back and legs cutting through the crowd toward him like a dark knife. He did not watch the way Dante’s square jaw and seal-black hair caught the light when he reached the entrance to smile in relief and wink.
Mostly he did not.
I must insist that you grab a copy of Hot Head and experience it for yourself.
Read the full review at
A must pick up for any Mary Calmes fan. I stayed up all night to read it :)
Mostly...I read science fiction...but recently I've begun reading gay romance...but that's not what Hot Head is...as powerful in it's understatement as it is in it's proclamation of sweetly genuine desire and the undeniable, fated union of two hearts…two souls...it is a love story...there is a difference . DS has crafted this incredible 'once upon a time' in the lives of two men whose life long friendship has grown into what neither of them is willing to recognize...out of fear of losing the very thing they want most...each other. A fabric of moments that are tender...loving... and hopeful…there is a guileless innocence that can’t be sullied even when Dante talks Grif into taking a bite out of the ‘apple”. During their most intimate encounters there is hesitation…and misunderstandings and all the while the sexual heat is literally burning all around them resulting in a flash point that is almost tangible in every interaction...God… This uniquely spun tale of boys in love has moved me like nothing I have ever read.
Thank you, DS
“Because people should not be punished for loving and hoping and holding their hearts open.”
My timing in reading this book has a lot to do with how it hit home for me. While I was swept away with the powerful, hard-hitting writing style and the "hell-yes" sexiness, it was the underlying message that came through loud and clear. That message will and has made this book a genre classic, of which I wish it to transcend.
Last week, my president announced his stand on same sex marriage. Yesterday I watched a video of a religious figure (also in my country, unbelievably) calling for electrified fences to contain GLBT humans. I'm not an activist but I am strongly secure of my feelings and convictions with regard to same sex issues. Mostly, I don't want it to be an issue.
Hot Head is a spicy, gritty, sexy rocket of a story that starts out fast and never slows down. The writing style of Mr. Suede is gripping, quick and concise. I found no wasted words or passages.
“Everything was so nutty with Loretta, all her reactions. She used tantrums like most people used sedatives”
The character development is superb. I found myself instantly enthralled by both Griff and Dante. In fact all of the players were instantly identifiable. The descriptions of secondary characters was just as complete and poignant as those of the main characters, I appreciate that. I particularly enjoyed the visual of Loretta as an operatic diva, very telling. Some of the stereotyping was surprising to find and quite in-my-face but I did not find it offensive. It just helped to draw a picture of the diversity of the city.
The story had a very full and yet tight feel. A backdrop of 9-11 permeated the story but didn't overwhelm it. I thought the author did an excellent job of infusing lasting feelings from the disaster with the need for hope. The epic feel of the story comes from drawing a picture spanning childhood, youthful frivolity, adult-life complications and a desire to have a fulfilling, mature future. Well done here.
The message. Hope. Hope for acceptance, love, family and peace.
Thank you Mr. Suede for the journey. I have a feeling that you will continue to write poignant, meaningful and current stories and I look forward to them.
“The world is different, but folks are the same, huh?”
As an avid reader of romance novels from Jane Eyre to Madame Bovary to Rebecca, I must here proclaim that Damon Suede's Hot Head is not only a great read (I couldn't put it down), but also holds its own in the aforementioned infamous and eternal trajectory. Why you may ask? Don't let the ripped bodies on the front cover fool you. Hot Head is much more than your average boy-meats-boy love story; The characters are memorable and funny, the settings (fire houses and Brooklyn and our big bad New York City) so utterly well portrayed that you can almost smell them. Speaking of smell, the sex scenes are mad hot and chockfull o' the vulnerable foibles, fondlings and wonderment that comprise the primordial human experience. In other words, homeboy can write!! Would that I were a man so I could have a threesome with Dante and his humbly hot gingey buddy Griff! And just when you think a sex scene can't be topped, Suede knocks it out the box with another one so sizzling that you have to experience some seriously sexy alone-time if you catch my drift! This book enough heart to make a girl want to go to her neighborhood firehouse and offer up her soft pillows of American hope! Suede captures perfectly the voice and aphorisms of a buncha (ir)regular guys willing to risk their very LIVES daily for our fair city. They rescue, they party, they yearn, they love. Boy, do they love! The longing! The longing! It's so deeply, heart-meltingly REAL. Same same for the hilarious bon mots and spot-on descriptions of our city's bathetic and jacked heroes!
This is seriously the best book I've read in a hella long time! I'm gonna buy it for all my friends! I wait with baited breath for Suede's next book!
This is a great book. The story is based after the 9/11 attacks and it's about 2 firefighters.
I have to say ... It will break your heart reading about Griffin and Dante's struggles and decisions ... But it will put your heart back together ...
Friendship... Family and acceptance are a big part of them .. But the reality is that they love each other fiercely.
Hot Head by Damon Suede eBook
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Tête brûlée by Damon Suede French Translation
Testa Calda by Damon Suede Italian Translation
Cabeza Caliente by Damon Suede Spanish Translation
Horn Gate by Damon Suede eBook
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