HOW the hell did I end up here? I kept asking myself that question, and the answer was Colby Maddox—the man I love. But it was still very surreal. Me and him standing next to each other, dressed in expensive tuxedos, while the wedding march played on a nearby organ. The church was large with high ceilings, glittering columns, and shimmering stained-glass windows. Not my normal type of place—not a place I would choose to get married in—but, once again, I was there because of Colby. He grabbed my hand right then, and I looked into his eyes. I could see the love for me in his eyes, and I knew I was a goddamn lucky man to have him in my life, even if he did make me dress up for this event.
He looked down the aisle and smiled, and I followed his gaze. The bride came down the aisle—Colby’s soon to be sister-in-law Cassandra. She was marrying Colby’s younger brother Danny. Danny had straightened up his life, thanks to Cassandra. She wore a lacy white dress that I’m sure was very old and very expensive. Her groom-to-be was at the altar, anxiously waiting for her to get there. I’m sure he was even more anxious for all the festivities to get over so he and Cassandra could consummate—that’s a ten dollar word for fuck. But their wedding night should be special because, according to Colby, while Danny wasn’t a virgin, Cassandra was. I tried to remember when I was a virgin, and swallowed the bile which rose in my throat. I was young when I lost my virginity, and it was taken from me with force and hate. I didn’t wish that on anyone, and I hoped Cassandra and Danny’s first time together was everything it should be—sweet, tender, romantic, and explosive.
I’m sure the wedding was gorgeous and sweet—everything weddings should be. But I didn’t really pay attention to the ceremony. Shortly after we sat down, Colby reached out, his large hand engulfing mine. I’m not a small man—six foot two and built—but Colby is even bigger. He’s my height, but seems twice as wide. He’s a big man with a big heart. He’s also got another organ that’s large. At one point in my life that would’ve been all that mattered and all I cared about. Not that I don’t care about that now, because I do, it’s just not my top priority.
I focused on our connected hands. Colby was a light-skinned African-American, but even his light-dark skin stood in sharp contrast to my lily-white flesh. Flesh is a major part of my life, and not just because it’s my last name. Cristian Flesh is the name I chose many years ago when I left behind my past. Both my chosen first name and last name have specific meanings. The last name is because that’s how I was choosing to live—In the Flesh. I wanted sex and as much of it as I could get. I didn’t want emotions or attachments, and I concentrated on getting fucked as much as possible. Until I met Colby.
And that’s what brought me to this big house on the hill in San Francisco. Colby saved my life in more ways than one. I had been charged with a murder I didn’t commit and Colby helped clear me of the charges. But he did more than that—he taught me there was more to life than just sex, even really great, mind-blowing sex. Somehow, the big guy got past the rules and walls of my life, and I fell in love with him.
Before I knew it, the ceremony was over. Danny and Cassandra were kissing. And everyone was laughing and applauding.
AFTER the reception, and after Cassandra and Danny left for their honeymoon, we all returned to Colby’s parents’ house.
The men—me and Colby, his brother Ted, his father Theodore, and his sister Melody’s husband Blaine—were in the library drinking cognac. Apparently, that’s something rich people do on a regular basis.
“Colby tells me you’re a cop,” Ted said to me. He had been making snide comments to me since I met him, and I had the distinct feeling he didn’t like me.
“Yes,” I said. “A homicide detective actually.”
“You have a good arrest record?”
“Pretty good,” I said, unsure where he was going.
“Do you arrest a lot of black people?” Now that really was an odd question.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I suppose so. Never really thought of it.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“What does that mean?” I was getting angry.
“Now calm down, Ted,” Theodore said. Ted leaned back, but I wasn’t done.
“I want to know what he meant,” I said. “Because it seems as if Ted doesn’t like me.”
“You’re not as stupid as you look,” Ted sneered. “You’re right. I don’t like you.”
I stood up, and Ted did the same. The rest of the men stood—ready to step in if the fight got physical. I had no intention of that happening. Ted was a slight man, and I could fold him in half and stuff him into an envelope if I wanted.
“And why don’t you like me?” I asked. “Because I’m gay? So what the fuck if I like to suck cock and take it up the ass. Deal with it.”
Ted looked honestly shocked at what I said. “Being gay has nothing to do with it,” Ted said. “My brother is gay, and I love him to death. I have nothing against homosexuality.”
“Then what is it? Why don’t you like me?”
“Because you’re white. I don’t like you because you’re a white cop.”
“That’s why you don’t like me?” I almost laughed.
“It’s a well-known fact that Caucasian police officers trample on the rights of my people.”
“Ted, knock your shit off,” Colby said. “Do you really think I would be involved with a racist? Do you think a racist would get involved with a black man?”
“Well….” Ted stuttered.
“Damn, for such a smart man you can be a fucking idiot, Ted,” Colby said. “Just for the record, Cristian has never treated me as less than equal. Actually he tells me all the time that I’m a far better man than him. And it drives me crazy. He doesn’t think whites are better than blacks or any other race. He’s a good man, and I love him.”
Ted was speechless, but Theodore spoke up. “Forgive my eldest child,” he said. “He can be a bit dense. And his opinions are not the same as the rest of the family. Cristian, you are more than welcome here any time.”
“Thank you, Theodore.”
“I need some fresh air,” Colby said. He took my hand, and we walked out of the library. We didn’t speak until we got to the stables.
“I used to come here for peace and quiet,” he said.
“You couldn’t get peace and quiet in that huge house?”
“There was always someone around. So I’d come here and climb up there.” He pointed to a ladder that went to a loft. He climbed the ladder, and I followed him. It was a small loft with some blankets and other supplies. He spread out a couple blankets and lay down on them.
“I’m sorry about Ted,” he said.
“You don’t have to apologize for your brother. At least he’s honest about his feelings. I can respect that.”
“He just drives me nuts with his holier-than-thou attitude and arrogant comments.”
“Thanks for standing up for me,” I said as I crawled up on him.
“That’s my job as a boyfriend,” he smiled.
“I need to repay you.”
“Oh,” he said with a smile. “What did you have in mind?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I slid down his body until we were face-to-crotch. “Maybe a blowjob.”
“You don’t have to repay me, but I’m not about to turn down a BJ.”
“I didn’t think you would.” I opened his jeans and his cock popped out. I didn’t waste any time and quickly went down on him. I swallowed his entire length and started my best Hoover impersonation. Before too long, Colby was arching into my mouth and shooting down my throat.
THE next day the Maddox clan had a huge formal lunch. I’d never heard of such a stupid thing—getting dressed up in tuxedos just for lunch. And the food wasn’t even that good. Sandwiches so tiny that I would’ve had to eat two dozen of them to be filled. They also had crackers and fish eggs. Goddamn, fish eggs!
That night, I was feeling claustrophobic. I needed to go out.
“Sure, we can go out,” Colby said when I told him.
“No, I need some alone time, big guy. I’m sorry.”
“No,” he replied. “It’s okay.” He was saying one thing, but I knew he was feeling something different. He was hurt, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I went to a nearby gay bar. A quiet place where you could actually have a conversation with someone. I talked to a few guys and danced with a few others. I was invited to join several men in the back room and at their places, but I turned them all down.
“So what’s the deal?” the bartender asked after I had turned down yet another man.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Just wondering why you keep turning down all these good-looking men. You got a boyfriend at home?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Does he know you’re here?” I nodded. “So you guys have an open relationship?”
“Yeah, we have some rules, but he’s given me permission to have sex with other guys if I want to.”
“And he fucks around too?”
“Well, I told him he can if he wants to. But he doesn’t. Says he doesn’t need to.”
“Sounds like you have an ideal relationship,” the bartender said.
“Yeah, Colby’s great.”
“I think you’re extremely hot, man. I’d love to fuck you.” He smiled.
“You’re pretty goddamn good-looking too,” I said.
“So you want to fuck?”
I looked at him and smiled. “Yeah, I want to.”
“Great, let’s go. It’s my break time. Let’s go to the back.”
I grabbed his hand. “I want to,” I repeated. “But I’m not going to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Since I’ve been with Colby I haven’t slept with another guy.”
“You have an open relationship, but you don’t play around? What’s the fucking point?”
“The fact that I can is enough for me. Colby gives me what I need. If sleeping with other men was forbidden I would have a hard time with it. I’d feel the need to break the rules just to make a point. Colby knows that about me. That’s why I love him.”
“Sounds weird to me, but whatever works for you.”
I paid the tab and went back to the Maddox house. Colby was in bed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. I stripped and climbed into bed—pressing my body to Colby’s. He wrapped his arms around me.
“Feeling better, Bello?” Bello is his nickname for me. It means beautiful in Italian. Even after all this time I still don’t see how he could consider me beautiful.
“Much better.” He kissed my neck, and I felt warm all over. He didn’t ask me if I fucked someone else—he didn’t have to ask because he knew what the answer was.
“THE wedding was okay, I guess,” I said.
“Come on, Cris. I need more details than that.” It was around four p.m. Monday, and I was sitting at my desk at the Reno Police Department being grilled by my partner, Alexandra Luther. Everyone calls her Lex. I have no idea why she chose to take her husband’s name when it made her sound like a comic book character. I guess love makes you do stupid things. She’s the total opposite of her comic book namesake. The Superman bad guy would tower over her five-foot-six frame, and he’d probably love to have her long, black hair on his bald skull. Lex, my Lex, is slightly chubby, though she had slimmed down in the past few months.
“What kind of details?” I asked.
“What did the wedding dress look like? Were the vows sweet? How did the cake taste?”
“Fuck, Lex, I don’t pay attention to shit like that.”
“What kind of fag are you if you don’t pay attention to those things?” she asked, laughing.
“I’m the kind of fag that doesn’t care about those things,” I answered.
“What did you pay attention to at the wedding?”
“I paid attention to the fact that Colby was there and held my hand during the ceremony. I paid attention to Colby standing up for me when his older brother bad-mouthed me. I paid attention when Colby and I fucked like rabbits all over that huge place.”
“TMI, Cris. Jesus Christ, I don’t want to hear about your sex life.” She grimaced.
“What kind of fag hag are you if you don’t want to hear about my sex life?”
“How many times do I have to tell you—I am not a hag.”
“Flesh! Luther!” Chief Gary Brunson boomed from the door of his office before he stepped back in.
“We’re being beckoned,” Lex smiled. “You want to make him stew and wait a few minutes?”
“No,” I replied. “He’ll blame me.”
“I know.” She grinned.
“Let’s go,” I said, smiling.
“Have I told you how much I like seeing you smile?” Lex said.
“Aren’t you used to it yet?”
“You’ve been with Colby for a while now, but I had years of your constant frown before that.”
I ignored her comment, and we stepped into Brunson’s office.
“What’s up, Chief?” I asked.
“Clayton Shaw is in the hospital. He’s unconscious. He was beat with his own cane.”
Clayton Shaw is part owner of the Legacy Casino—one of the largest casinos in the area. Clayton is openly gay and fits the description of a silver fox. He’s forty-five with a full head of gray hair and only the beginning of a gut. He’s also smug and arrogant and walks with a fancy cane—as an affectation, because he thinks it makes him look cool, not because he needs one. I’ve run into him a few times at the gay bars and the bath house. He propositioned me a few times, but his body reminded me too much of certain things in my past. But my past is something I don’t talk about. That’s rule number six.
“We got a suspect?” I asked. Lex and I are homicide detectives, but we also handle cases that will involve a lot of publicity.
“That’s your job,” he answered. “Go.” His eyes turned to the computer screen, which was his way of dismissing us. We didn’t have to ask where we were going—Shaw’s place was well known to everyone in the area. He lived in a gated community called Arrowcreek, which was located on the eastern foothills of the Sierra Mountains and had amazing views of Reno and the Truckee Meadows Valley. Homes there started in the mid-$200,000 range and ran into the two millions. Shaw’s place was one of those worth more than two million.
Lex and I drove my faded, blue, 2005 Jeep Liberty Sport to Shaw’s place. I’d seen it before, but it still took my breath away. It was gorgeous, in an ostentatious sort of way. The mansion was built in Tuscan style, with curved windows and an arched gate that led into a large central courtyard. In the center courtyard was a statue of a golden woman that was also a fountain.
Uniformed officers were already there, and one of them led us through the front door, up a curved staircase to the master bedroom, and into the attached bathroom. The bedroom had a small leather loveseat and a king-size, four-poster bed made of dark oak. The bathroom itself was almost as large as my entire apartment. The bathroom had sinks on each side of the room, as well as floor-to-ceiling cherry cabinets. At the far end of the room was a large, deep, sunken tub and a large shower.
Lex and I walked to the tub—the scene of the crime. The tub was still filled with water, but the water wasn’t clear—it was red. There was also blood all over the outside of the tub, the floor, and the wall.
A CSU tech named Cherry was there collecting blood samples.
“Find anything yet?” Lex asked.
“I’ll be running tests on the blood as soon as I get back,” Cherry answered. “I have the weapon bagged already. I’m hoping we’ll find a fingerprint on it.”
“Why would the attacker leave the weapon behind?” Lex asked. I shook my head but didn’t answer. I was surveying the room, trying to picture how the crime took place. The first guess would be a breaking and entering. Maybe Shaw was taking a bath and the intruder broke in, not knowing anyone was there. That theory didn’t make sense for a couple reasons. The first was that Shaw’s place had a state-of-the-art alarm system. The second reason was that nothing was taken. Even the dumbest thief wouldn’t ignore the valuables downstairs and come upstairs to the bathroom.
I didn’t have to verbalize my thoughts to Lex because I knew she was thinking the same thing.
“It couldn’t have been an intruder,” Lex said, as if she had been reading my mind.
“Whoever it was had to have been invited in,” I replied. I turned to the uniformed officer who had walked us in.
“Where was the body located?” I asked.
“Half-in and half-out of the tub, sir,” he answered.
“And the wounds? Were they on the front of the body or the back?”
“All over, Detective. My guess would be the perp first attacked the vic as they were facing each other. And the beating continued after the vic had been knocked unconscious. I would say the perp stood on the side of the tub while he beat the vic.”
“Can I see the cane?” I asked Cherry. She grabbed the bag and handed it to me. The staff was made of a light oak, and the handle was a single deer horn. The point of the horn wasn’t very sharp, but with enough force it could’ve been used as a stabbing weapon. Based on the blood on the cane and the handle, it looked like that’s exactly what it had been used as.
“What time did the attack take place?”
“Approximately three thirty p.m.,” Cherry answered.
WHEN we got to Renown Regional Medical Center we learned Shaw was in surgery, and probably would be for at least several more hours. A nurse pointed us toward Shaw’s younger brother, Dale. Dale was the other co-owner of Legacy Casino.
“Mr. Shaw,” I said as we approached him. “I’m Detective Flesh, and this is my partner, Detective Luther. We’re investigating your brother’s attack.”
“I don’t know what I can tell you. I wasn’t there, and I haven’t spoken to my brother for months.”
“I understand, Mr. Shaw, but you might know more than you realize.”
“I’ll do whatever I can.”
“Do you know anyone who had personal issues with your brother?”
“I’d be at the top of the list, right up there with my wife.”
“You guys had a falling out?” Lex asked.
Dale Shaw chuckled, ruefully. “More like a major blow up. His… sexual habits caused me some problems.”
“You had a problem with his homosexuality?” I bristled.
“No, Detective. It’s not that I had issue with what gender he had sex with. It was the age of his partners that bothered me.”
“Exactly what do you mean, Mr. Shaw?”
“Please call me Dale. I hate being called Mr. Shaw.”
“Dale,” Lex spoke softly. “We really need to know what happened between you two.”
“I have an eighteen-year-old stepson named Austin. I consider him my son because I’ve raised him since he was eight. He told us last year that he was gay. It was a shock, but we encouraged him to be safe and be happy. He’s a good kid and didn’t rush into sex with the first guy who offered it.”
“What does this have to do with your brother?” I asked sharply. Lex hit me on the shoulder—her way of telling me to shut up. She’s one of the few people who can get away with that sort of thing.
“Go ahead, Dale,” she said.
“I had Austin talk to Clayton because I thought my brother could help Austin out. I never thought my brother, my own goddamn brother, would do what he did.”
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I knew what had happened. Family is supposed to love and support you, but I knew from my own experience that family could also hurt you and rip you to shreds.
“Your brother slept with your son, didn’t he?” Dale couldn’t say a word. He bent his head down, and I could tell he was crying.
“Oh Lord,” Lex murmured with a hand over her mouth.
Dale lifted his head and wiped the tears from his face. He nodded. “Yeah, my brother slept with my son. He took my son’s virginity, Detective.” He looked me in the eyes, and I didn’t look away, though it hurt me to see the raw pain in his eyes. Neither Lex nor I said a word, giving Dale the time it took to collect his thoughts and continue speaking.
“He took Austin’s virginity. Such a special thing, and he took it. And then he stomped on Austin’s heart. Austin loved Clayton. He thought sex meant love and commitment. Clayton treated Austin like just another trick, another one-night stand to be discarded like a used condom.”
“How is Austin now?” I asked.
Dale met my gaze again. “He’s fine now, but he wasn’t when it first happened. He tried to kill himself. Thank God he failed. He’s healing now. Healing emotionally and physically, but Clayton took something from Austin that he can never get back.”
“Did Clayton apologize for hurting Austin?” Lex asked.
Dale shook his head. “He doesn’t think he had anything to apologize for. He said Austin was eighteen and not related by blood.”
“Unbelievable,” I muttered. I hadn’t thought much of Clayton Shaw before, and now I thought even less of him.
“Why are you here?” Lex asked. “If I were you I wouldn’t give him a second thought.”
“Clayton is still my brother,” Dale said. “He and I went through a lot when we were young. All we had was each other. It’s hard to forget that, so when I was told Clayton could die, I couldn’t stay away.”
“Where were you around three thirty today?” Lex asked.
“I was in meetings most of the day,” he answered. “The first meeting started around nine. I work with my wife, Sarah, and she was in most of the meetings with me. She joined me around ten. We were still in a meeting when I got the call about Clayton.”
“Can anyone corroborate your story?” I asked.
“Several people, Detective,” he replied. “I had meetings with employees and contractors regarding an expansion we’re planning. My personal assistant, Serena, can get you the names and numbers of everybody I was with today.” He handed me a business card. “She’ll be in tomorrow at eight.”
“We need to talk to your wife, as well as Austin.”
“Austin?” he asked. “Why do you need to talk to him?”
“We have to look at all suspects,” Lex said.
“Don’t worry, Dale,” I said. “I’m sure he didn’t do it. I need to talk to him so we can clear his name.”
“I just don’t want him to get hurt any more than he already has,” Dale said.
I approached Dale and stood only a few inches away, and I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll talk to Austin, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t get hurt. It won’t be an interrogation; it’ll just be two men talking. I promise.”
“Thank you, Detective.” He gave us his address, and we agreed to meet him there in fifteen minutes. He lived in the same subdivision as Colby—an upscale subdivision of Reno called Damonte Ranch.
As we drove to Dale’s place, I could feel Lex’s eyes on me.
“Why are you looking at me like that, Lex?”
“You constantly amaze me, Cris. You can switch from pissed-off cop to almost a human being so quick, it makes my head bobble.” To accentuate her point, she wiggled her head. I tried to keep a straight face, but didn’t manage and let out a chuckle.
“Almost a human being?”
“You know what I mean, Cris. I’ve been with you for so many years, and I’m only just starting to see the real you.”
“Well, don’t get used to it. It could change again without warning.” If Colby left me, and I didn’t know why he hadn’t done that yet, I would be back to my old self again. And if that happened I would never open up again.
When I saw Dale’s place, I was amazed at the stark contrast between the two brothers. I knew enough about the Shaw family to know they each had the same amount of money. Dale’s house was large, but not extravagant.
The sun was setting as we followed Dale up the path to his front door. The door opened before we got there, and an attractive woman with long, brown hair stood there. Dale greeted her with a kiss.
“Sarah, this is Detective Flesh and Detective Luther. Detectives, this is my wife Sarah.” Lex and I shook hands with her, and she greeted us with an icy glare.
“Where were you guys today?” Lex asked, after we walked into the living room and sat down.
“Sarah and I were both in meetings today,” Dale said. “We own a real estate agency, and we spent all day at a meeting with our sellers. We’re planning to expand to selling commercial properties.”
“Who was there?” Lex asked.
“I met with a few accountants around nine. Then I joined Sarah for meetings with some of our employees and contractors.”
“Where was Austin today?” I asked.
Sarah turned to face me. “Why do you need to know where Austin was?” she snapped.
“Just standard procedure,” I said.
“Austin didn’t do anything,” Sarah said loudly.
“I’m sure he didn’t. But I do need to talk to him.”
“Don’t you think he’s been through enough?” Sarah asked. Dale stood up and walked to his wife. He put his arm around her.
“It’s okay, Sarah. Let Detective Flesh talk to Austin.” Dale looked at me. “He’s upstairs in his room.” I headed for the stairs, and Lex stood to follow me.
“I got this, Lex,” I said. She looked at me questioningly but didn’t argue.
I walked up the stairs and saw four bedrooms with only one door closed. I knocked on the door.
“Austin,” I called out. “My name is Detective Flesh, and I’d like to talk to you about Clayton Shaw. May I come in?”
There was a moment of silence before a tentative voice called out. “Come in.” I opened the door and stepped in.
The overhead light was out, but a small desktop lamp illuminated the room enough for me to see Austin. He had shaggy, curly brown hair and a look of sadness that I knew well. He was sitting on his bed, wearing a pair of sweat pants and a white T-shirt. I sat down in a computer chair.
“Is Clay okay?”
“He’s still in surgery.”
“I hope he doesn’t die,” Austin said. I didn’t like what I was hearing. I didn’t want to have to arrest the kid. The idea of not arresting him even if he did confess came to mind, but I knew I couldn’t ignore a crime.
“Did you do it?” I asked.
Austin looked at me. I expected either an adamant denial or a tearful confession, but that’s not what happened.
“I don’t know,” he said in a voice just above a whisper.
“I don’t remember. As soon as my parents left this morning I started drinking whiskey. I got hungry and went out to get some food. I parked in front of Clayton’s house and thought about confronting him. I wanted to tell him that he’s a monster for what he did to me. I sat there in my car and drank more. The next thing I remember is standing in the shower. My skin was wrinkled like I had been there for a while. I don’t know how long.” Austin bowed his head and cried almost silently. I sat next to him and put my arm around him.
“Don’t worry, Austin. We’ll figure this out.”
“But what if I did it? What if he dies? I’ll go to prison.” I wanted to say that wasn’t going to happen, but I wasn’t going to make a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep.
I stood up. “Look Austin, I can only promise you one thing—no matter what happens, I will be here to help you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I left the room and rejoined Lex in the living room.
“I have all I need for now,” I said. “We’ll be in touch.”
We walked out to our car, but we didn’t get in.
“What do you think?” Lex asked me.
“Unfortunately, that kid is the chief suspect.”
“Are you going to let your personal feelings get in the way of the investigation?”
“Have I ever done that before?”
Lex snorted. “Yes, you have made very stupid decisions based on your personal feelings. You went to save Gabe at an empty building, and you went to Donner Pass to find Colby—both without police backup. It’s like in the movies when the stupid blonde goes out into the dark garage, even though she knows there is a killer on the loose.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I could be considered too stupid to live based on those actions. Sometimes I think with my heart and not my head,” I said, laughing.
“Thanks for making my point,” she said.
“Okay, I promise I won’t let my personal feelings interfere. Can we go now?” I walked to the driver side.
“Hey, Lex,” I said. “Will you—”
“Will I drop you off at Colby’s place and take your car back to the station?” she said, as if she had read my mind again.
I nodded and smiled at her.
“Have fun,” she said when she pulled up to Colby’s place.
“I plan on it.” I hopped out of the car. I wanted to surprise Colby, so I knocked on the door.
“Bello!” he said when he opened the door. “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you use your key?”
“I wanted to surprise you,” I said. He leaned forward and kissed me.
“What a great surprise,” he said. We kissed again. His arms wrapped around me and enveloped me in an all-consuming hug. We remained like that for a minute before I realized we were still standing in the doorway.
“Hey, big guy, it’s not that I don’t like doing what we’re doing, but I think we should take this inside.”
Colby laughed and dragged me into the living room. He was wearing a pair of thin pajama pants, and I could feel his large erection pressing against my leg.
“Damn, baby,” he whispered in my ear, “I have been thinking about you all day.” His tongue slipped into my ear, then traveled down to my lobe and my neck. His teeth pressed into the dip between my neck and shoulder and bit gently. A shudder ripped through my body, and he bit down harder, sucking as he did so. I knew there was going to be a mark in the morning, but I didn’t care.
“Colby, oh God, Colby. Fuck me, please, fuck me.” After talking to Austin I was full of memories I didn’t want resurfacing. I wanted—needed—Colby to fuck me so hard, I forgot it all. Thankfully, Colby wanted the same thing I did.
“Yeah, I’ll fuck your ass,” he said. “I’m going to fuck you hard.” He took my mouth with his again, owning it as his tongue pressed against mine. The tongue was gone sooner than I wanted it to be. I tried to keep the precious contact by sliding my tongue into his mouth. He closed his lips around my tongue and sucked it in. I practically melted and might’ve slipped to the ground if his big arms weren’t wrapped tightly around me.
In a lightning-fast move, Colby spun me around and pushed me against the wall. He pressed his erection against my ass as he bit my neck again.
“Get naked,” he ordered. I unbuttoned my shirt and removed it and my T-shirt. He kissed down my back and stopped just above my ass. I had my belt pulled out of the loops, the top button open and was poised to do the rest of the buttons but Colby’s big hands were on mine and holding them still. With his lips pressed against my lower back he slowly undid each button. He worked himself lower and lower with each button, kissing alongside the outside of my cheeks and stopping occasionally to gently bite me.
He pulled my pants to my ankles, grabbed my hips and pulled me toward him. I put my hands on the wall to steady myself, as he spread my cheeks and gently licked from the bottom to the top—his tongue only brushing against my hole. Just that slight touch was enough for shivers to wrack my body and my cock to totally harden.
“Ohh Lord,” I murmured. Colby reached around, gripped the bottom of my shaft and slowly stroked it, squeezing out drops of pre-come. His thumb swirled around the head, and I moaned again. His tongue pressed against my hole—this time firmer than before. I pushed back against him, and his tongue tried to invade my sphincter. He licked around my hole and nipped at my cheeks before once more trying to tongue fuck me.
“Colby, fuck, I need you in me. Please.”
He stood up and whispered in my ear. “I love it when you beg. Don’t move.” I stood there and stroked my shaft as I waited for him to come back. He was back right away, and I could feel he was naked when he pressed himself against me. I heard him snap open the lube and jumped when a finger coated with the cold liquid touched my hole.
“Relax, I won’t hurt you,” he said. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but I still liked to hear him say it. One thick finger slipped in, and I arched backward to get the digit deeper in. Colby slid the finger in and out until he hit my gland. He rubbed my prostate as he chewed softly on my neck. When I moaned, I felt him smile against me. He pulled out one finger and slid in two. In and out they slid, rubbing me, exciting me, making me moan. I was about to beg Colby to give it to me when I felt his shaft pressed against my hole—evidently he was as ready as me.
“Fuck, Cristian, Bello, Baby, I love you so goddamn much,” Colby moaned as he teased my hole with his prick. His large head pressed against my hole with just a slight amount of pressure. Colby’s hands firmly gripped my hips, and I knew he was in total control—exactly what I wanted. I tried to push back to get him in me, but the hold on my hips stopped that from happening.
“Not yet,” he whispered. He applied more pressure and the head slipped past my tight ring. I gasped, and before I could catch a breath, Colby slid the rest of his length deep into me. He was buried to the root, and his balls pressed against my ass. He pushed me against the wall so we were both standing straight up. It was an odd angle to be fucked, but it felt amazing. His cock was hitting parts of me that didn’t get hit very often. He turned my face and kissed me. He kissed me hard and our tongues fought for control—control I didn’t want but had to pretend I did.
He thrust into me, and I lost the ability to think about anything other than the cock penetrating me.
“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” I moaned again and again. It was my mantra as the man I loved pounded me. Over the years I’d had lots of rough sex. Rough, hard, and sweaty sex with men of all shapes and sizes. It was essentially the same act, but with Colby it was totally different. He was fucking me, but he was also making love to me. He loved me, and he told me that with every thrust and every grunt and every kiss. And I loved him. So fucking much it scared me. I’d never felt real love before him. I wasn’t taught that love was something to be cherished. When I was with Colby, whether it was sex or just watching television, I felt the real, true kind of love.
With an upstroke inside of me, I quickly lost control and ropes shot from my shaft, coating the wall.
“Oh, hell yeah,” Colby said as he slammed deep into me. I could feel him coming deep in me, and his body went from tense to almost boneless. He slipped from me, spun me around and kissed me softly on the lips.
“I love you, Cristian.”
“I love you, too, big guy.”
“You already said that this month,” he chuckled. That’s one of the new rules that have been made since Colby and I got together. Rule number fifteen. It replaced an older rule, but I’d long forgotten what that rule was.
“This was a freebie,” I said. “Since you fucked me so well, I thought you deserved it.”
“If fucking you means I get to hear those words more often, I’ll fuck you whenever and wherever you want.”
“You already do,” I reminded him.
“Let’s shower. You got me all sweaty.” Rule number four was no shared showers—but that was before Colby. Ignoring that rule was now one of my favorite things to do. Showering with Colby, whether it led to sex or not, was one of my favorite activities. That rule wasn’t the one I enjoyed breaking the most—that would be rule number two: no kissing. Kissing Colby was always the highlight of my day.
“So what were you doing in the neighborhood?” Colby asked when we were in the shower and sharing the spray of the hot water.
“Clayton Shaw was attacked today,” I answered.
“His brother doesn’t live far from here,” Colby said.
“I know. That’s where I was.”
“His brother is the suspect?” This was one of those sticky issues with Colby and me. I wanted to talk about my day with my boyfriend, but I was a cop, and he was a lawyer. Information about cases is supposed to be confidential, but sometimes things hit home, and I needed to talk about it.
He must’ve been reading my thoughts because he looked at me and smiled. “Cone of silence?” That was his way of assuring me that what I told him was as sacred as if he was a priest and we were in a confessional.
“Not the brother, the nephew,” I said.
“You think Clayton’s nephew attacked him?”
“Clayton seduced him and broke his heart,” I replied.
“Shaw slept with his own nephew?” Colby asked, shocked.
“Step-nephew,” I corrected.
“That’s still wrong,” Colby said. “So very wrong.”
I hugged Colby. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I said. I grabbed a razor and began my almost daily routine of removing my body hair. I was a diligent manscaper; I shaved my face, head, pubes, and genitals. I didn’t shave my chest or legs, but what was there was so blond, it was almost invisible.
We finished showering and climbed into bed. I was suddenly exhausted, and the feel of Colby’s arms around me helped me to let the fight go for the day.