Two Years Ago
“Thank God, it’s Friday,” Jim Kulik said to the room as he finished up his last transaction. The financial markets had just closed for the Memorial Day weekend, and this was the first day in weeks that he’d be able to leave the office early. A colleague poked his head into the office and wished him a good weekend before continuing down the hall. Jim quickly completed the last of his paperwork before turning off his computer, grabbing his papers and briefcase, and heading out of the office. He knew if he didn’t leave right away something would come up, and since he was in the office, he’d be asked to handle it.
Jim was anxious to get home. Jerome would be working until five, giving him time to make a nice dinner and get everything ready. They hadn’t been able to spend much time together lately, so he wanted to make sure they had a special holiday weekend.
Leaving his office on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, he headed to the freeway, hoping that he’d be able to head off some of the holiday weekend traffic. It took him about forty minutes to travel to their apartment in Glendale. Jim had lived in the same apartment complex for the last six years, and when he’d asked Jerome to move in with him three years ago, they simply moved to a larger apartment in the same complex.
Pulling into the parking garage below the building, Jim was pleased to see that Jerome’s car was in his spot. Pulling into his own space, he parked his car and headed to the elevator. Arriving on the third floor, Jim walked to the apartment. He was surprised to see the door open. Walking into the apartment, the first thing he saw was suitcases stacked in the living room. Thinking Jerome had planned a surprise trip, Jim called out happily, “Jerome, are we going somewhere?”
Jerome stepped out of the bedroom, looking flushed and a little embarrassed. He was wearing his usual attire—tight jeans and a skin-tight T-shirt. “No, just me.” He stepped across the room to his suitcases, a sad expression on his face. “Jim, I’m leaving. This isn’t working for me.”
Jim said nothing; he was stunned and he found he could barely stand. He stepped back and sat on the sofa.
Jerome sat next to him, taking his hand. “You’re always working, and we rarely see each other.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I do love you, and I know you love me, but you love your job more. I’ve always been second in your life to your job.”
“Is there someone else?” Jim finally managed to ask.
“No.” Jerome shook his head. “I would never do that to you or myself. The entire time we were together, I was never unfaithful, just lonely. When we were together, it was wonderful, but we were never together enough to span the hours I spent alone.” Jim held his head in his hands, and Jerome gently stroked his back. “This is for the best, for both of us. You need to be free to pursue your dreams.” Jerome sniffled before continuing. “I will always love you; I want you to know that.” There were tears in Jerome’s eyes as he tried to continue speaking. “I’m staying with my parents until I can find another place to live. Most of my things are packed, and I’ll arrange to get the rest when I find a permanent place.” Jerome slowly got up from the sofa.
Jim finally managed a few words. “I do love you, Jerome.”
Jerome actually smiled. “I know you do.” Jerome took a few deep breaths, trying to still all the emotions that were swirling around inside him. Kneeling down in front of Jim, he gently lifted his head to meet his eyes. “Jim, I love you, too. In fact, I probably always will. You were my first great love, and you were good to me. I’m not leaving because of anything you did.” Jerome looked at the ceiling, blinking back tears, trying to find the right words. “I’m leaving because you can’t give me what I need, and I don’t want to end up hating you.” Jerome’s tone was soft. “When we met, we always said that no matter what happened we’d always be friends. Well, I’m hoping that when time passes we can be friends again.” Jerome slowly leaned forward, placing his lips gently against Jim’s. “You take care. I’ll call you next week.” Slowly, Jerome got off his knees, picked up his suitcases, and walked out of the apartment, carefully closing the door.
Jim didn’t move, couldn’t move. Finally, he got up from the sofa and walked into the bedroom where there was a note on his pillow. Slowly, Jim reached for it. The letter said the same things Jerome had said in person. Without realizing it, he pressed the letter to his chest, letting the tears well in his eyes. Lying down on the bed, he sobbed into his pillow, letting himself feel the sadness and grief. Eventually, he cried himself to sleep.
An hour or so later, he woke to a wet, tearstained pillow. Pushing himself off the bed, Jim went to the bathroom and splashed some cool water on his face. Drying himself with a towel, he walked back into the living room, picked up the phone, and dialed, his fingers automatically pushing the buttons on the phone.
The phone rang three times before it was answered. “Hello.”
“Joan, it’s Jim.” He was trying to keep his voice even, and it didn’t work.
“Jim, what’s wrong? You sound awful.”
Jim tried to get the words out, but they stuck in his throat, and he found himself sobbing into the phone. When he was finally able to speak, “Jerome left,” were the only words he could get out.
His sister was sympathetic. “Oh Jim, I’m so sorry. I know you loved him.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Did you have a fight?” Her tone was calm and caring.
The words were coming easier now. “No, he said he was lonely. He knew I loved him, but he said I loved my job more, and I think he may be right.” The tears started again.
“No, he wasn’t. You didn’t love your job more than you loved Jerome; I could see that the last time I visited.”
“But—”
“No buts. Jim, you were always driven to succeed. You were the only one of us to actually manage to break away from this small fishing village on the edge of nowhere and actually make a life for yourself.” His sister had always had the ability to cut to the heart of the matter. No bullshit with her.
“I know, but at what cost? Mom and dad haven’t spoken to me since I left.” That was his only regret—the pain his leaving Alaska caused his parents. But he knew he had to make his way in the real world outside the small Eskimo fishing village where his family lived.
“I know, but I’ll tell you a secret. They’re proud of you. They tell everyone how successful you are.”
“Then why won’t they tell me?” Tears started to fill his eyes again.
“Jim, you know how proud they are. On some level, your leaving means that they failed you somehow. Give them a call next week; make the first move. They do love you and miss you. They’re just too proud to make the call.”
He could understand that. His parents had always been exceedingly proud. Proud of their Eskimo heritage, proud of their children, and proud of what they’d been able to accomplish. “But what about…?” Jim was ashamed to even speak about the way he left.
“That was a long time ago, and no one really remembers. Just call them!”
Jim actually started to feel better. “I will. I think it’s time I swallowed my pride and got my family back.” He could almost hear Joan smiling on the other end of the phone.
“I love you. Take care of yourself and call me next week.”
“I love you too.” Jim hung up the phone, feeling a little better. Heading into the kitchen, he made himself a quick dinner before turning on the television.
